Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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