____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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