Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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