Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just want nice things and good sex
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
