I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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