I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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