the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize