I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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