ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
