shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
