So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
