yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
