Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize