Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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