batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
