i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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