This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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