do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
