the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Someone signed my nipple.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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