i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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