Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
