I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
