I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
