i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm both gender and math confused
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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