3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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