I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i think i have two assholes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
