Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
