Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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