how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
