she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
