seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
