i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize