I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
