the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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