She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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