some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
