Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize