My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize