I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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