i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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