my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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