before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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