he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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