His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize