Already got asked if we're dating
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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