I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
