I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
