I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
