I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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