Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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