turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
