woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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