smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
