did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize