Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
