If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i will never coherently bang her
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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