Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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