Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
