she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
