Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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